Who You are VS Who Everyone Wants You to be

I am single. Have I been single for long? No, not in my sense. But in the sense of a serious, long term, meaningful relationship? Yes . I have realized that I am not alone in this aspect, however. I can name tons of women that are single while having all the ‘wifey’ characteristics. ‘Wifey’ characteristics, to me, would be considered a woman who is (a) smart, (b) independent, (c) can hold a conversation adequately, and (d) has a desirable physical appearance. Don’t jump the gun here, just let me explain.

The reason found a desirable physical appearance to be important is, because it is in our society. Let’s face it, a person would not talk to another if they didn’t find some ‘security’ or ‘attraction’ to the way the other person looked. It’s just off putting for us as human beings. We have the same reaction to the appearances of food. For example, if a piece of a dessert- say a brownie- had an undesirable appearance, 9 times out of 10 a person will not eat it. Am I saying that this characteristic isn’t shallow? No. Am I the exception? Absolutely not; neither is anyone else. Think about it, how many times have your friends dated someone that you have never seen before? Okay, now keep this thought in your head. And how many times have your friends immediately ask for a picture of said significant other? From my personal experience, all of the time. Maybe this means I need less shallow friends, but we have all done it. And sometimes we even go further into the judgement by giving a passive, “Oh, he’s cute”, or a, “Hmm, I don’t know about this one.” See my point?

So this leaves me with the question, why are so many women who have these ‘wifey’ characteristics single? I think I might have one possible explanation. In the past, and present, I have never been one to shy away from stating what’s on my mind. Although I consider this to just be my personality, I have noticed that many guys who are interested in me wouldn’t be after my mouth opened. It seems that instead of the men becoming intrigued with my outspokenness, they shied away from it. There have even been instances where I have been told not to say this, or just not speak at all in social situations, by some of the people I hang out with. Not that they meant any harm by doing so. However, the blatant disapproval of one of the traits I felt made me myself left me in a state of contemplation. Was being opinionated as a woman a undesirable trait in society? I can already see the feminists grouping up with an outcry of, “Yes!”; I have to say that I agree with them.

Now don’t get me wrong, brutal honesty is not always appropriate in certain situations. I can’t stand by someone who goes to their workplace and states to their boss that they have horrible fashion taste and they smell. I especially can’t stand by this person if they then stand on their boss’s desk with their muddy booties yelling, “It is my right as a woman in America to state my opinion! Freedom of speech, read the Constitution, sucka!” As much as I love freedom of speech and all that, that would be a prime example of how brutal honesty isn’t necessarily the best policy.

On the flip side, being told to stay quiet and look pretty never sat well with me. So my opinions have now made me undateable, says who? No, I don’t want to just sit and look pretty. My looks shouldn’t be the only factor when it comes to obtaining society’s “ultimate” prize for a woman; a boyfriend. Maybe it is just me, but I want to have something meaningful. Not a relationship based upon the shallowness of our world. I hate to break to you, but looks fade honey. Because of the backlash I have received for just being able to “hold my own”, I have thought about changing. But why? Why should I, a woman, have to change my personality to appease a man?   It’s not right, nor will it ever be. So my advice on the subject of dating? Never, ever, change who you are for a man. You are not undateable. You might be intimidating, but that does not mean you will end up alone. Trust me, I have seen proof! And who says that everyone needs to be in a relationship all of the time anyway? You are so much more than a complementary counterpart to the male species. Don’t be fooled by what you see in the media or by what is seen when walking through the halls of your school. Of course everyone has things they can work on, but changing your personality isn’t one of them. Be proud of who you are, and if you  are going to change something, make it because it is what YOU want. Plus, being single isn’t so bad!

One Comment Add yours

  1. Big Poppa OB says:

    I’m very proud of you, you certainly do have a great talent in writing. Keep it going, it’s excellent work and your professor was right. I wish you all the success in the world.

    Love Big Poppa OB

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