Free Write: February 22, 2016

When I write, I write on this little app for my Chromebook that is called ‘Writer’. It makes typewriter noises, and sometimes if I type with a specific rhythm the noise can even be slightly soothing. Once again, I cannot come up with a writing idea. You know, I use to be a fiction writer. I actually have a binder full of my hand-written copies of books that are unfinished somewhere. But I use to get so much writing block that I decided it might be easier to keep a journal of my daily life.

Today, I woke up ate 2:38 p.m to a phone that was quite literally “going off the hook”. I sleep with my phone right by my side, so when it rings I’m pretty sure it messes up my eardrums. With slightly opened eyes and a blind hand I felt around for my phone to see what the commotion was all about. It was a group chat with my friends from College. You see, while they were at college I was… well, here. Usually I would feel a certain way about that– get a case of FOMO or something, but I didn’t. In fact it didn’t bother me at all that I wasn’t there to enjoy the day with them, I genuinely liked staying home.

Basically, my day has been pretty uneventful. Until… a certain someone decided to pop up at my apartment. (These are times when I wish I remained anonymous online so I could write my hearts desires. Unfortunately, I can’t. At least this helps me hold my tongue in a way.) This certain someone hasn’t done anything wrong, he is practically family at this point. I mean, there is nothing wrong with him… literally, nothing. He’s a genuinely sweet kid, makes everyone feel good. That’s the problem though, I don’t like him. I don’t know what it is honestly, just when he’s around I get anxiety in my stomach. It’s actually kind of hard to breathe. It is as if there is a switch in my brain that flicks on and off in an instant. When I notice this guy is around, my angry button flicking into a bright green “on” sign.

Right now as I’m typing/fuming (maybe) I just am trying to put into words why I genuinely cannot stand this character of a person. In retrospect I barely even know him. I just don’t, ugh. I guess there is nothing I can do about it. Until next time …

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